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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
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8:20 pm - pish-posh
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not doing anything particularly interesting right now, just meandering my last few minutes of a nice relaxing Sunday away...
This'll be a nice, shory week for me - Demara is coming out thursday for the Ball, and then we're flying back to Cali this upcoming weekend together - it's going to be so great. I even get a decent amount of time at home.
So anyway, I think I'm going to lie down. Yeah.
*slump*
current mood:  blah
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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5:44 pm - Disappearing Act
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Well now, wasn't THAT quite a spell.
Spent a month in NTC, where I didn't do too much; came back to Hood, and went right back to California for a whole week, thanks to some wonderful little string-pulling, favor-calling, and drug deals. (no, not REAL drugs) But man, was it nice. Due to those same favors, I also get to go on Block Leave early as well, which is supercool an less than two weeks away. Demara's flying out for the ball next week (bought the tickets this afternoon) and we fly back together. How cool is THAT?!?
So we've been getting along better lately, and I'm very, very happy in that respect.
The army however, is diong what it can to screw me. as usual. *sigh* They want to "Stop-Loss" me now ~ how sad is that. "Oh, we know you'll only have a month left when we go, but we want to invouluntarily extend you for an extra year" or something to that effect. Nazi bastards. So that's my new arch-enemy, which I'm doing everything in my meager power to fight. But let's all hope & pray shall we? I sure could use the assist.
So here I am trying to keep my sanity.
I did get to see some familiar (or not-quite-so) faces; which was really cool... Spike, Spot, and even Mickey. I can't wait to go back, with some real TIME to spend. Heck, maybe even my family, who probably thinks I'm estranged these days, considering how often we keep in touch.
Here's to good luck, godspeed, and Heavenly Father's Will.
-hope I'm on his good side ; )
current mood:  anxious
current music: 40oz. to Freedom - Sublime
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| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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6:49 pm - ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!
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Ladies & Gentlemen, I am going to be gone for quite a while.
*sigh*
I'm going to NTC again - leaving tonight at 22:00 and will be back around Thanksgiving. When exactly? Nobody freakin' knows.
As you may notice, my listlessness has bloomed into full blown passionate hatred for this place that is quickly developing a side of spitefullness. Congrats.
I'll be back A.S.A.F.P. of course....
Thanks for tuning in. Hope you're having more fun than I am.
(not like THAT's going to be difficult.)
Miss you all...
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| Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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10:39 am - ooh, my turn!
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LAYER ONE: On The Outside
Name: Adam
Birth date: January 19th, 1981
Birthplace: Santa Clara, CA
Current Location: San Jose, CA
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 69.5 in.
Righty or Lefty: Right
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: Bigtime mutt. I know there's some German though, and who knows what else.
Shoes you wore today: Army Boots (cochrans, too) and my Healy's
Your weakness: Women. tempestuous, sensual, attractive women.
Your fears: Not being good enough. That goes for pretty much EVERYTHING.
Your perfect pizza: A number 2 at Palermo's with extra cheese.
Goal you'd like to achieve: Rock Star. 'nuff said.
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM:
Your thoughts first waking up: Demara. (this proccess continues until sleep returns...)
Your best physical feature: never thought I had one.
Your bedtime: never official anymore, but always late. Or rather, early.
Your most missed memory: Our first kiss
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: coke, vanilla, 1 each. (that's an army joke)
McDonald's or Burger King: probably BK -they've got burgers WITH onion rings in 'em
Single or group dates: either-or. depends on my mood.
Adidas or Nike: uh... vans? is that an option?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I'm not a tea guy.
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: dang. neither, anymore. but I would've said coffee.
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: nah - I thought suicide was illegal, anyway?
Cuss: very rarely now... not NEARLY what I used to.
Sing: caterwaul is more like it, and too dang much.
Take a shower everyday: I try, but I live in a field sometimes, you know?
Have a crush(es): youbetcha. more like an obcession, actually.
Think you've been in love: AM!
Like(d) high school: yes. more in retrospect, but yeah.
Want to get married: well, I(bolded, capital, italic, underscore) do.....
Believe in yourself: when I need to, if that makes sense.
Get motion sickness: nah. I'm hardcore
Think you're attractive: not really... but not ugly, I guess. anymore.
Think you're a health freak: ha, ha, ha. ha.
Get along with your parents: actually, yeah. pretty well.
Like thunderstorms: mm-hmm.
Play an instrument: used to... and I guess if you *want* to count singing, I try.
LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
Drank alcohol: nope-nope
Smoked: sorry, rejected.
Done a drug: nope
Made Out: *** says nothing, s#!%-eating grin slowly arises ***
Gone on a date: uh huh
Gone to the mall?: in the last month? uh... yeah... I think.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: YUM! heck yeah
Eaten sushi: nope
Been on stage: not the way you'd think...
Been dumped: you know, funny story...
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: nah.
Dyed your hair: I wish
Stolen anything: not anymore
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: HECK YEAH (shut up, Spike...)
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: see previous answer, please.
Been caught "doing something": ummm.... KIND of.....
Been called a tease: yes, I do believe I qualify there. *grins*
Gotten beaten up: come to think of it, no.
Shoplifted: semi-pro, at one point.
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: hmm. age? at this reate, probably twenty-freaking-seven.
Numbers and Names of Children: now, if I have a daughter, I wanna name her Stacy. hahahahahaha... get it?
Describe your dream wedding: You should know better than to ask me about things like this.
How do you want to die: how about HAPPILY?
What do you want to be when you grow up: again - Rock Star. but seriously? I want to have some sort of positive (recognizable) contribution.
What country would you most like to visit: just ONE? Europe, man.
LAYER NINE: In a boy (or girl)
Best eye color?: yeah, I like Blue best. Greens a close second.
Best hair color?: no color preference per se - they just have to look good & pull it off well.
Short or long hair: more often, short.
Height: just below my height.
Best first date location: dang - I'm no good at these, anyway.
LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of drugs taken illegally: NONE - ha! I win!
Number of people I could trust with my life: at th moment, or ever? How about less than six.
Number of CDs that I own: somwhere in the ballpark of sixty. I think.
Number of piercings: ooh... none.. at the moment.
Number of tattoos: one. again - at the moment.
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: umm, at least once, in an article about my mother for "Mom of the year", way back in the day.
Number of scars on my body: many. not uncountable, but a lot.
Number of things in my past that I regret: DANG, I'm gonna say "see previous answer" again. Oh, yeah.
current mood:  chipper
current music: Pet - APC
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| Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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6:34 pm - An unexpected hiatus
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WOW was I gone for a while or what. My internet was out for the longest and this last weekend I spent at home... officially, no less. And to top it all off? Going to NTC in about a week and a half here, too. Man, talk about a suckfest.
Things with my lady love are alright - which means "pretty good" for me and "tolerable" for her. It's okay though, it's going to be fine here shortly. When I never have to return to Fort Hood again. She took super-good care of me this weekend. I even managed to sweet talk my way into (two, actually) an earlier flight home - giving me an extra 4+ hours there thursday night. Ye-e-aah. (no, that wasn't a "yee-haw, it was an Ice Cubeish drawn out "yeah". So there.
Been reading an AWFUL lot lately. 60% of the way through
Atlas Shrugged, a really good book about.. well.. people, and how they work, and have started Dreamcatcher too... kind of difficult juggling them and my scripture-reading. But I'm managing somehow.
Only one really worthwhile sketch lately - how sad. I find myself always wanting to draw, but never knowing just what to draw. Bummer.
An old army friend is back in town, maybe for good. He's kind of a dork (then again, so am I) but it's nice to converse with some freaking brains once in a while instead of the dang cocks I get to deal with everyday.
Someone is banging the heck out of the side of the building... guess I should figure out who it is & what they want. You never know, in the army...
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
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10:39 pm - Weak and Powerless
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Tilling my own grave to keep me level...
Jam another dragon down the hole...
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren...
one that pushes me along, and leaves me so...
desperate and ravenous...
I'm so Weak and powerless over you...
Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of china...
White as Dracula as I approach the bottom...
so desperate and ravenous.
I'm so Weak and powerless over you...
Little angel, go away...
Come again some other day...
Devil has my ear today...
I'll never hear a word you say...
He Promised I would find a little solace and some peace of mind...
Whatever. just as long as I don't feel so desperate and ravenous.
I'm so Weak and powerless over you...
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
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10:06 am - "whoa..."
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Interesting weekend. Found out at the last second that after a long, obnoxious field problem, the "powers that be" were gonna be nice, and give us an extra day off. So Being the spontaneous, pent-up romantic I am, I of course decide to fly out on the spur of the moment. I spent a decent weekend with the woman I love, learn a few things about myself (and her) and even manage to get some interesting studying in ro boot. Man I want to go to school again. Anyway, I ge tback to "the B's" late last night, and crash, hard. This morning was pretty good PT, and now here I am, in my room, cleaning my gear. Not bad - not bad at all. Now all I've gotta fo is convince the new platoon sergeant not to drag me along to NTC again. It'll be one heckuva Jedi Mind Trick, but here's hoping...
Pretty bored. Really homesick; yet still surviving. Word from "home" is that Dal is freaking leaving Texas THIS WEEK on a seat-of-his-pants endeavour that I DON'T approve of. That man needs to chill for a while on the females. I tried calliong him, but he'd just gone to bed - I'm gonna verbally b-slap him later. I miss him though, and need his help - he was s'posed to help me out this weekend. Anyway.
I have a buddy here in the B's who plays guitar in a style I like, and I'm trying to convince him that we ought to... not necessarily start a band but that we could write/make some good songs. I wanna do lead vocals. I'm not sure how well that's going to work out, but it's what I wanna DO and no one else is stepping up, either. Hope it works out.
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| Thursday, September 18th, 2003
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7:37 am - Here I am expecting just a little bit...
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*sigh*
another almost two full weeks in the field.
Great, wasn't it? No - you disagree? ME TOO.
So I return, RATHER late last night, and in high hopes... and yet a few short hours later, here I am, my distaste for everything only too evident.
And somehow, through it all; it doesn't matter to the one I love most.
I've been reading a book laely that has helped me re-think the way that I think, and.... I don't know, I just know that it's somehow a good thing.
My cockbite PLT Sgt. will be out of his "position of power" over me soon - to be replaced by a much more reasonable man. Thank goodness. My hopes are to begin terminal leave in December.... but there's so surefire bet, of course.
God, I want out of here. I feel like I'm an animal, and I could claw my way out, if need be. Yet I know I couldn't.
She needed me the other day - I was able to miraculously call, but I know that I really should have been there. She let something slip just then.. something.... valuable. But it seems to me today that yet again, I have no pull.
One day, perhaps.
I have to go to work very shortly.
I'm obviously looking forward to it.
I have been thinking of disappearing.
Disappearing into the folds of the army; for who knows how long, and without warning. to return only when I think I'm ready... ready to deal with life and the incredible mess I know it will generate. To come back as something more that I was... a warrant officer helicopter pilot, I'm thinking. Apparently, not only have I an aptitude for it, but they're hurting so bad for them, they'll waiver pretty much anything - not that I have much to waiver. (that's a good thing, actually) I'm within my "re-enlistment window" - I could do it tomorrow, if I so wished. At least that way I'd have some damn direction. I may not be doing what I'd like to most but I could be preparing for later, ya know?
*sigh*
I suppose I ought to get all spiffy for them now. I'll return when I have the chance - and if I can muster the strength.
current mood: listless
current music: You Lied - Tool
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
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11:04 pm - AHhahahahahahahahahaa
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yes yes YES
SOMEbody had a spectacularific weekend that WIPED CLEAR the army's CRAP as of late! I got to see the love o' my life for a few precious days, and WOO-HOO did we clear some stuff up. Even managed some "quality time" just doing day-to-day stuff together... I feel recharged and invigorated. I'm learning to understand her a bit better ( I.M.H.O.) and I like it - we interact a lot better, and the mood in general keeps me happy. She's learning that she can and is making me happy, so that just boosts her, too - I think. anyway, works' been okay as of late - no word on any more punishment - there have been quite a few screw-ups this last two weeks, and I think they're taking the heat offa me. *whew* sorry, but thanks, guys. I feel like re-arranging my room, but it's kinda late to do that tonight. I hope to tomorrow. Gotta go to the field YET AGAIN next week, but I'm not dreading it like before. (more Demara-bliss-overflow, I'm thinking) You know, this field-business is *not* condusive to an online journal. suck. I've had trouble sleeping since I got back - just does't feel right alone anymore. *deep breath* Anyways; Missing all my old friends - I ran into a few OOOOOOLD ones over the weekend, and it was kinda cool. makes me wish I had my good ones around more often... or, more accurately, I was around to see THEM. Sorry, guys. few more months. No PT for me in the morning - gotta go to the army dentist. yeech.
Alrighty - time to go. maybe I'll try and catch a quick cat-nap...
current mood: chipper
current music: #1 Crush - Garbage
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| Monday, August 25th, 2003
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12:07 pm - What was that, Toto?
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WELL - guess who's back... back again... yeah, it's ME!
Just got back last night from freakin' KENTUCKY. Yes, Kentucky. after two weeks in the FIELD, they have a special fly-away exercise just for us. Wasn't that nice.
I kicked tail, though. I'm feelin' a little too hardcore for my own good here, as of late. I've been planning out my leave (YES!) and may be home as early as December... the unit is going to Iraq next year, but fortunately, I don't have enough time remaining to with them. Muahahaa....
So yeah; tat's why I wasn't writing. hope no one thought I was dead or anything. That would suck - being dead - trust me.
I've managed to patch things up with the love of my life, and things are looking good. I cannont WAIT to be the heck OUT of the ARMY. Mm-Hmm. And it should be relatively soon.... I'm such an evil genius.
an eeevil petting zoo?
current mood:  mischievous
current music: Bad Days - Flaming Lips
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| Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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9:59 pm - *sigh*
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Well at least I've got her talking to me again. Still feeling terrible. Hope I can talk to her - really talk - and rekindle her interest. I miss her so much. Every day without her is agony, emotionally. I've never felt like this about anyone before. I want this woman as my wife and to spend the rest of my life with her. This is no quick decision, either. But now I know what I want.
And it's her.
current mood:  pensive
current music: The Patient - TOOL
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1:40 pm - Heart-Shaped Box
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She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak,
I?ve been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks.
I?ve been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap,
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black...
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Your advice...
Meat-Eating orchids forgive no one just yet.
Cut myself on angel hair and baby?s breath.
Broken hymen of your highness, I'm left black,
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back...
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Your advice...
She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak,
I?ve been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks.
I?ve been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap,
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black...
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Hey, wait,
I got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice,
Your advice,
Your advice,
Your advice,
Your advice...
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1:35 pm - careworn
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wow, I didn't realize how long it'd been since I wrote here.
Well.
Long story short, I've managed to irritateD to the point that not only are we no longer together, she never wants to hear from me again. Isn't that nice. I can't believe I didn't see what I was doing at the time, but I really managed to screw myself bigtime on this one. And you know what else? After a year of faithfully wating, she wants to quit at the four-month-left mark. *sigh*
Perhaps I am doomed never to have what it is I want.
I hate the personality I have become... here. I feel lik eI'm not myself. I am nothing but an empty husk of the man I once was.... and I can't do anything yet.....
I must bide my time....
I will...
I must succeed....
*deep, prepatory breath*
current mood: like I'm falling down a hole....
current music: Heart-Shaped Box - Nirvana
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| Friday, August 8th, 2003
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12:42 pm - more!
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| Monday, August 4th, 2003
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7:09 pm - ka-BOOM!
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Hmm.
Had a great talk with D last night... I felt like I was actually being a good conversationalist, and decent boyfriend for once... pretty cool. Even got a neat letter this afternoon.
Room of course, wasn't clean enough (never is) for First Sergeant. Then - THEN, I get re-assigned to a new job - I'm now a Jump Gunner! What does that mean? It means now I'm the one behind the gun in the Bradley ... never done that before.
*sigh* Five-and-a-half months.
Been doing some neat evelopes though. Really proud of this last one... drew myself (though with a little "artistic license" on it. Kinda proud. I love doing envelope art now. Too bad she blows me away in the creativity department, huh? It's okay, I love the attention.
Kinda run-down, and incredibly hungry. Ravenous, even.
Adam... need... FOOD!!! grRowrararerarrrr.....
Later......
current mood:  hungry
current music: The Patient - Tool
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| Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
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6:13 pm - As usual...
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Too much to do on the weekend, not enough time to do it in. And no time for fun. The army can find ways to keep you busy anytime. Like I said - too much to do, not enough time, and another problem: it'll never be good enough anyway, so why try in the first place? *sigh* not sure.
D's really... doin' a number on me. Not sure whether I ought to be happy or upset. Never though anybody could ever get under my skin before, but the this is - it's only 'cause I let her. If I so chose, I could go cold... just like every other time, but I don't wanna.
Why does it always seem like I want what I can't have?
I'm getting close to an outburst I think. I hope it's not directed at her, or anyone else I care about. I've been finding little ways to try and vent. Going to the gym works real well, plus it's beneficial in other ways.
Guess I'll get back to WORKING on my WEEKEND. ta-ta.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Sweat - Tool
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| Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
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10:36 am - S a T u R d A y M o R n I n G
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Wow theses quiz things are getting prevalent on this puppy. It's cool though - helps us learn about ourselves, and it's kinda fun. See?
Your Heart is Grey
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Like that. Anyway;
Seriously considering going to the gym this morning. I think I lost some weight during these last two weeks (if anything by sweating it off - dang Texas) but I'm not looking as good as I used to, I think. Talked to D for a while last night - seemed to go alright; especially after I mentiond the fact that I've spent the last two weeks realizing what an absolute bore I've become for her. She seemed to agree, but was glad that I've noticed and will asjust fire accordingly.
Ugh - I'm inadvertently speaking military. *shudder* Someone slap me.
I did manage to have a pretty good time (all things considered) in th field. I got tight with my new squad, and the other platoon dismounts as well.... so well in fact that upon messin' with a guy once we got back, he started to talk back (I'd purposely afronted him, in jest) two or three of my platoon masted were like " WHAT?!? What're YOU gonna do, man? Better back off our boy 'Step!"
It was pretty funny, and caught even me off guard. ( I sure as HECK didn't need the backup) heh. Guys.
Speakin' of guys, went to the race track/ drag strip last night, and actually had fun. Some NIIICE vehicles out there. I was drooling all over the motorcycles, too. Seemd like an awful lot of hype though, for only a few seconds of fun there. Okay, well I think I'm really gonna go. TTFN!
current mood: gettin' hyped...
current music: I Need A Freak - Too Short
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| Friday, August 1st, 2003
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6:56 pm - Heeeeeeeeeeeere's JOHNNY
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So... Two weeks gone down the whole - in the field - and I'm rougher & tougher for it. Hardcore dismount, baby. Got to run & gun, and sleep in the dirt. All that good ol' infantry crap; minus the bullets coming *BACK* at me. No fun there, believe you me. Going to be nice to have a few hours NOT in uniform. Oh, YEAH. Might go to the drag strip tonight... gotta get dinner first though. Read the original Frankenstein and part od Dracula... going to start Jeckyll & Hyde soon I hope. Anyway, gotta run. More later.
current mood: eh
current music: Magic Stick - 50 Cent/Lil Kim
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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10:54 am - TaDaa!
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
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12:37 pm - agubugaba!
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*whew*
Got end to the range at 23:15 last night.
It's now 12:35 and I just got BACK. Isn't that nice.
I'm going to take a nap in a moment, but felt like doing this first.
Had Demara out this last weekend. Pure bliss. She is so wonderful, and takes such good care of me. We had a lot of fun; mostly just watching movies together. I made a giant quesadilla and some grilled cheese sandwiches. I like taking care of her too, on the occasion I get to. Things are looking up though.
Also, go see LXG. Pretty good. I liked Dr. Jeckyl (or however you spell it)
Work is O.K. I guess. going as well as could be expected, all things considered. Still in some hot water, but I hope it's over soon. We go to the field here shortly, and I'm NOT looking forward to it. *sigh* I hate this job.
Anyways, 8 months (give or take) left. Trying to.. hold... on....
current music: H. - Tool
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adeptus13's journal
